One year on.

Last birthday, I moved to WordPress.

Because I felt that sraelynn.blogspot was getting too popular and getting unwanted attention.

Funny. I suppose most of those who bothered to read were probably those from IRC and personal friends,
but yeah, it got a little too cramped for me.

After a few months in WordPress, I thought of going back to Blogger, but I have since realized that you can import Blogger entries into WordPress (which I didn’t do) but not vice versa.

And since I have morphed into somewhat of a lazy blogger, now that I am almost into my mid-twenties (I wonder how it would be when I’m in my thirties), WordPress and its templates will do fine for me. Tagboards are fun but there’s always some cowardly loon who’d leave a random flame and buzz off.

I’m so past that, y’know?

And I’m actually pleased that it took about a year before my blog got 10,000 hits.
When I was 18 and started sraelynn.blogspot, yeah, looking at the hits counter gave me some sort of pride, the feeling of being “popular” and being read. That alone made my day, especially when I got new tags to read too.

Now, there are even days I forget I have a blog.

I believe it’s called getting old. :S

So yes,
I’ll be 24 tomorrow. Only 24.

My last birthday, as a single woman.

I can’t get away with being a girl anymore. I used to love it when my aunts thought I was still in polytechnic or college or something, somewhere along the “under-18″ lines. All I had to care about was studying and worrying if I had accidentally used up the credit on my prepaid mobile phone way before my next allowance.

Now I worry about bills, my wedding preparations, if my cooking tastes good, and whether my lipstick colour is a little OTT and doesn’t go with my eyeshadow.

Sigh.

Even though I’m not working at this point of time,
I have my means to get on by.

And even though my mum’s doing the usual (nagging),

I am actually enjoying this break.

I eat,
I watch tv,
I do the housework voluntarily,
and I get enough sleep.

Yeah, I could do with extra money for the wedding,

but perhaps, just for this month, I would like to hold out a little.
Get some rest.

I know, it makes me sound lazy. And I probably am.

But after trying out various industries, and working non-stop after all these years,

I think it wouldn’t be too much to ask for, to get two months’ break from work, to sort out the wedding preparations,
get some mental rest, clock some hours in the sun (without getting burnt again),
and mingle socially..

Before I dive head on again.

After all, this is my last birthday as a single.
And it’s not like I can’t afford it. (so get off my back, some of you)

Come tonight,

happy 24th to me.

=)

What happened this week.

I’m all out of steam to blog today.
So I’m gonna make this quick and in point form.

• A 5-year old nephew got scalded by hot tea at a restaurant when a waiter tripped and splashed it all over him.
• Got to know one of my gal buddies, Azzura the Firefighter, had a work accident AND a bike accident. Last heard that she was temporarily paralysed from the neck down. Haven’t heard from her since. She’s been super evasive as of late, and I suppose if someone just doesn’t want you to know, then there’s only so much we can do.
• I put on 2 kg.
• No calls for job interviews. I’m starting not to care.

On the other hand,

the Mr is spending time with me, lots of it, especially before his upcoming reservist stint come end-April.

Is it mid-year already?
We’ll be registering our marriage at ROMM in mid-May.

God, no wonder people tell me you hit the highway when you hit mid-twenties.

Before I know it, I’ll be 30 with kids in tow.

*rubs face*

I so need to sleep in tomorrow.. Sigh..

Saying sorry.

I learnt yesterday,

that it is super-easy to cross that line of being plain egoistic and not wanting to say sorry,
not wanting to back down,
and releasing a torrent of words.

Those torrent of words, can make or break a relationship, and I’m very sure it was the final straw in the previous relationship that I had. (Like who would ever forget M?)

The Mr and I were at Sim Lim Square yesterday to source for a few items that he needed for his PC; a cooler fan and a new graphic card (which I don’t believe is faulty, but he merely wants to enhance his gaming experience and is trying to get away with it).

So being the average girl with no fascination whatsoever in a building chock full of technical and IT stuffs, I followed him around aimlessly as he pondered over his items from shop to shop. We’ve been here lots of times, so I merely shared my observation that we tend to find the items we usually need on the 5th floor.

When we reached the 5th floor, I saw a vending machine of soft drinks so I asked him if he had coins because I didn’t have enough.
And because I was holding on to a can drink, I felt it was only polite that I didn’t enter the shops in fear of spilling my drink even though the shops did not display any “NO FOOD/DRINKS” sign. I’m the type who won’t push my luck so there.

Apparently, by my suggestion, my aimless browsing, my standing outside the shop, and a drink to show that I’m thirsty, the Mr figured that I was uninterested and bored.

When he had bought his items, I reckoned that we had concluded our shopping and led the way out.

To which he said, that if I’m absolutely bored, I wouldn’t have to follow anymore.

First of all, it’s not ME who wanted to buy anything from Sim Lim Square.
Second, knowing that I am absolutely clueless about HALF of what they sell there, what am I supposed to do?
Macam faham browsing?
Third, I didn’t know buying a drink implies boredom! I drink because I’m thirsty!

I was really peeved about his conclusion and we had an exchange at Sim Lim Square before I walked off. We walked silently back to Bugis MRT Station where again we had another exchange after I said I wanted to go home immediately, seeing that he doesn’t appreciate it when I do take the effort to accompany him when he wants something.

One thing about our exchanges when we do argue, I appreciate it that neither of us raises our voices because we know that no matter how bad it seems at that point of time, we don’t want to humiliate each other, and we still intend to be together. How can you expect to make things go back to normal or take a person back after you’ve said so many hurtful things to them right?

So as we sat in the train to head back to Woodlands, I was still peeved. Then I looked in the mirror opposite our seats, and to my horror, I swear I saw M instead of the Mr’s reflection.

Then I remembered,
M and I had exactly this. Minus the low-voiced exchanges. I would walk off just the same (and then I realized that this was the first time since I was with the Mr) and then we’d have uber-heated exchanges in public where sometimes M would end up throwing his mobile phone in my face. Yeah, it was that bad.

I don’t want to lose the Mr. He’s been almost perfect.
He will never be perfect, but he’s the best I’ve ever got, and will ever have.

Did my behaviour really show that I was bored?
Perhaps it was my tone of voice, or face/body expression? A subconscious event that happened without my knowledge?

The Mr isn’t my enemy. I can’t have thoughts in my head, thinking that he only wants to win the quarrel or have things done his way.

Then I realized, he asked me if I was bored, because he didn’t want me to dread going out with him.
And me? I merely got angry because he kept asking me that. It’s a personal issue, this attitude of mine, and it’s not his fault, because he only wanted me to be happy.

God. I felt so awful there and then.

At which I reached out for his hand, and said, “Sorry.”

The Mr turned to look at me and did that little lop-sided smile to show that it’s gonna be alright, squeezing my hand.

=(
I’m sorry honey, I’m sorry I frowned at you and did that sulky face.

Yet you still smiled at me, waited in silence for me to cool down and hugged me, asking if I would like to eat something afterward.
Perhaps it is the age gap, I’m only 24 this year (next week actually) and he will be 32 come August. He’s probably seen more attitudes than just mine.

Even though he’s patient with me, I don’t want to screw this up. I have to rein in my emotions better than this.

Anyway, we ended up at Lot 1 afterward, and had burger sets at Jalapeno Pepper’s, knowing how much he prefers fast food over food courts.

I’m glad I have Mohammad Hasni as my fiance, and as my future husband. He really knows how to get to me (in a good way) and he’s the only one who makes me cry when I’m angry instead of wanting to hit him (which M got loads of, but he started it). The crying is usually done discreetly, of course.

Sorry yang. We have our quarrels probably every quarter but when it happens, it never makes me feel victorious or anything. I’m just afraid we’d let trivial matters overcome us and we’d be ruling our relationship and future marriage with our hearts instead of our heads.

Must.not.let.that.happen.
Keep.eyes.wide.open.

=)
I love you!
*warm fuzzy feeling*

With Daljit @ Sentosa (2nd April)

As promised to Daljit,
we made it to Sentosa on Thursday instead as it was raining like mad on the initially-planned Wednesday.

The weather was perfect!

We reached at an early 11am, armed with magazines, beach towels, bottles of water and some chips to munch on.

Tanjong Beach @ Sentosa was completely empty!

Other than some men working on a little building as you can see in the left part of the above picture, there was no one else on the beach til after 3pm.
And even then the total number of people made up no more than 8!

We saw a few couples having their wedding photography taken by the beach. Gorgeous. I’m gonna have ours taken by the garden + pond in our neighbourhood which I think looks pretty neat too. It used to be really dirty but there’s been a lot of cleaning up recently so it’s pretty decent. Beaches are not quite my thing, and I think it’s best I stay out of the sun for now.

Reason why, I’ll tell you later.

Anyway, my cousin Liz dropped a while later.

Liz, the saviour, came with some food from McDonald’s because me and Daljit were pretty much starving by then.
Really, I feel like quite the bully here because she wasn’t feeling really well! But Tanjong Beach lacks shops and restaurants unlike Siloso Beach or Palawan Beach, hence the secluded environment.

Daljit wanted to get some sun but it was a little too warm for her liking so she decided to wait til after 2pm.

I on the other hand, wanted to stay out of the sun. All that warmth made me feel very lazy and sleepy.

But still,

I ended up with a burnt back!
It’s only my back! I didn’t burn my face (THANK GOD!) and I didn’t burn my arms badly either, just a slight darkening..

BUT OH GOD!

I ran into the cool sea and then I showered, and slapped on some moisturising cream.
I put on 3 layers of SPF50 sunblock throughout the whole time I was in the sun and I still got burnt.

I’m still thankful I didn’t burn my face. Sigh.

Anyway, we only left Sentosa at around 5pm and walked around VivoCity for dinner and ice-cream at Ben & Jerry’s.

I am now a huge fan of Chocolate Macadamia. Super smooth chocolate ice-cream.

Oh, and of course that sundae was to be shared by the 3 of us.
Polishing it off by myself would have been suicide. =/

While walking around, I bought a pair of sunglasses which I felt actually fit my face.
I suppose it’s all the trend now to have glasses that cover half your face.

I prefer sunglasses which are simply rectangular in shape. Unfortunately, the only ones I’ve seen which appeal to me, are from Gucci & Giorgio Armani, which easily cost more than SGD$250.

My SGD$350 Gucci sunglasses got stolen back in 2006.

ANYWAY,

it was in all, a wonderfully spent day with two of my favourite people,
my best ex-colleague and my best cousin..

Daljit wants to go back there again, and I so agree, we have to!!

As for now,

I shall go back to rubbing Vaseline’s Aloe Vera Hydrating lotion on my back..

Red.

I shall blog tomorrow, when I have some photos up from my handphone, since the digicam is on loan with the Mr.

As for now,

all I can say is that I shouldn’t have lazed around in the sun yesterday!

*wails*

But it coulda been worse.

So yes, tomorrow I shall blog.

As for now, TGIF people! Enjoy!

*sings Alice Cooper’s Dangerous Tonight*

I’m dangerous like a broken glass~
I’m a flesh fanatic psychopath~
I can cause you pain and make it last~
Dangerous tonight~
I’m dangerous when the sun goes down~
So cross yourself, don’t fool around~
I’ll drag your heart into the ground~
Dangerous tonight~

Moment of Glory.

I had a rather good morning today.

Had breakfast with the Mr at McDonald’s, where I watched him savour his Hotcakes with absolute relish.
(Mine barely moved.)

He kept pinching me in public, to mark my discovery of additional mounds of flesh after I put on my favourite tank top.
(Somehow, sucking it in just doesn’t quite work anymore. )
The fact that I’m dating someone who weighs a kg or two lighter than me isn’t doing much for the ego.

He looks in every damn thing he wears. Even his uniform.

At times like these, I hate my own boyfriend.
I can’t remember when I looked the least decent in my uniform, back at the airport. Sigh.

And then,
at home, while STILL configuring my barely month-old mobile phone (I can never remember my own settings),

with utmost confidence,

I cleared the handset memory.

BEFORE copying contacts to the SIM card.

280 contacts practically melted away before my very eyes.

But the best part!!

I don’t quite feel the panic or even feel a wee bit sorry about it.

The important numbers are in my head.
And the rest, I don’t know, I probably just sms them once a year.

Now THAT, was God’s answer to my whining when I received the handphone bill this morning and said,
“I don’t know how on Earth I’m going to cut on my smses.”

That was some speedy work, God. Thanks.

Guess I just April Fool-ed myself eh?

Blank.

My mind’s a total blank.

I’ve been putting myself to sleep daily with a concoction of Atarax, Anarex and Synflex.
My head just hurts THAT bad.

Not to mention the horrible gastric pains I get much later at night.

It’s probably all of that acting up at once.

The job-hunting is getting to me. I’m just not used to being at home, knowing I have a severe drop in my income.
I have been sending out resumes at a speed enough to beat the now-defunct Concorde, but it’s just been so silent.

I double checked my resume, just to see I did put down the right contact numbers,
but yeah, ZILCH response.

I do have savings,
in fact enough to put feed me daily, and buy a new makeup item or so,
(okay I admit, I ate at Pastamania yesterday and bought a new Maybelline pressed powder..)
but with the impending wedding,

I just feel like doom is looming over me.

It’s almost paid for,
and the Mr is NOT harassing me to go get a job,
(or does he not dare say so?)

but I still don’t feel like being home.

I would love to have some extra cash on hand,

so perhaps we can indulge in a honeymoon after the wedding.

But yeah,
not even the Mr has mentioned about a honeymoon,
and I think it’s gonna be a sad thing if we have to forgo a few days to ourselves,
and jump straight into the nitty gritty of getting a flat next.

Sigh.

Bali? Phuket?

Hell, I’d be happy even in Malaysia’s Rawa Island or even Indonesia’s Bintan.

But as it is,
no talk til I get a job.

Thinking about it gives me a severe headache.

No no, screw that.

Not even thinking about it, still gives me a headache.

I’m useless. That’s it.
Useless for not being able to even have a steady income now.

It’s always been one hiccup after another.

Jack of all trades,
master of none.

That’s me indeed..

NUH Interview..

Went for the Patient Service Associate at the National University Hospital today.

Who knows? A change in environment might turn out better than expected?

I had some experience working at the Singapore General Hospital when I was about 17, prior to the security officer stint at Changi Airport.

Of course, back then I was a mere clerk, despatching files and doing patient entry health screening. (It was during the SARS scare, and reckless me happily applied to work in a hospital, knowing that it was the last place people would want to be at.)

So fast forward to today,
I got a little lost on my way to the Human Resource office.

Interviewer was a nice, young Chinese chap who spoke fluent English.
I’m like that. It’s not only me who gets judged when in an interview, but I judge the one who hires me as well, because diction and presentation speaks volumes about oneself.

Of course, that’s only according to me.
I just like to have an idea of the type of people I’d be working with.

The interview went on for about 40 mins, during which the interviewer, Desmond, asked me for my solutions or approach towards various scenarios.

I thought I fared rather well.

Until he asked me if I was serious about taking up this job, seeing my certificate in Mass Communications.

At this point I think I was a little blunt in saying that I would take up a job which I feel I have the physical and mental capability for, compared to pursuing something defined as an ‘interest’ or ‘passion’. After all, how many people working in NUH right now practically skip to work with joy?

Probably 1 nutcase out of 500.

Let’s face it,
I have never felt any ‘love’ towards any form of work I’ve ever done.

It has always been necessary evil for me to get through the day,
weeks,
and months,

for the sake of salary.

I’m sure there are the rare few who rave on and on about how their job has given them so much personally.

Well I don’t know,
at the risk of sounding boastful,

I have never failed anything academically,
and I think the only setback I’ve had in the working world was the madness that ensued last week in which I resigned after 3 days.

If it’s all the more justifiable, I got to know the replacement resigned after TWO days on the job.
So it definitely wasn’t me.

Perhaps it is my strong personality or never-want-to-lose attitude that wants to show that I can do something, have a different thinking approach to issues that makes me stand out.

Yes, I’m quite the egomaniac.

I have never failed to get anything I wanted.
Then again, I feel that I have realistic wants and needs.

So anyway, the interviewer let off a remark that he felt I was too ’strong’ for the position and would do better elsewhere.

Oh please forgo the ‘career counselling’ bit.

Anyhow, he said he’d get back to me within two weeks to see if I’m up for it, along with several other candidates.

Nothing kills my mood better than someone who thinks he knows me better than I do.
It’s either you give me the job or you don’t.

As for now, I hope my application for Immigrations & Checkpoints Authority (ICA) goes through soon. I have lesser commitments now so I guess I’d be able to settle for something paying slightly lesser, but at least being in the Civil Service should earn me some ’satisfaction’. After all, if you gotta be a slave, it might as well be for the government, hehehehe.

So!

Boys and girls,
the morale of the story is..

ALWAYS HAVE SAVINGS.

So you don’t have to stress out and end up killing yourself by jumping onto the MRT train tracks or something.

That said, have a good Thursday afternoon.

Fever, fever, go away.

The Mr was sick over the weekend, with a fever, sore throat and his asthma to boot.

Poor him.

Then I forgot, and conveniently let him drink from my Coke Slurpee yesterday,

and now I’m the one who’s burning like the Human Torch, sore throat and flu.

Him?

He’s happily asleep now, with an unblocked nose, after a huge lunch.

Thanks a lot love.

Pain in the back.

I have realised that I tend to slouch whenever I sit around doing work.

Say, in the office, during meals and whenever I’m using the laptop at home.

I straighten myself when I realise the nagging pain.

And whenever I wake up from sleep, or lie on the back,
I keep feeling like my back is about to break… LITERALLY!

I’m so afraid of being hunched in my old age,
having a slipped disc,
or having to wear a back brace like those shown in scoliosis brochures!

SUPER SCARY!

And to think I went through 4 years of high school in the military band, emphasizing on a straightened back when sitting or walking.

ARGH!