Too many..

I just did some counting..

And I realized 9 of my friends have gotten married this year.
It’s only the end of June!

I spent the whole night poring over friends’ wedding photos posted online..
Of smiling faces amidst pretty clothes..

And I realized that mine would probably be further away than I thought..

With his schedule chock full of lessons, and money being paid out to all kinds of places so that he’d get his various certificates, I don’t know if I’d actually see OUR day coming.

Maybe I should just stop waiting.

If it happens, then it’ll happen.

8 weeks down..

AT LAST.

My 8 weeks of Reservations Training is over. And after one more week of completing the morning shift cycle, I can go back into the quiet of the night shift.

Oh, you have no freaking idea how happy I am to be back in the night shift.
Hell, happy isn’t even anywhere NEAR how I’m feeling.
Elated, more like.

I won’t be seeing most of my training teammates as they picked to switch over the morning and afternoon shifts instead. I’m gonna miss Daljit the most. I hope she finds some real swell friends in the morning shift.

The team is out painting the town red, with plans to hit Gotham Penthouse and Ministry of Sound @ Clarke Quay later tonight, complete with supper plans at Spize.

And me?

I know I’m loved and happily loving when my ideal evening after an extremely tiring training stint is baking cupcakes with the Mr and snuggling into a very warm bed for a good night’s sleep.

I’ll blog tomorrow. Probably about my half hour shopping spree on Tuesday that saw $200 disappear out of the wallet, much to the horror of the Mr.

Foreigner – Heart Turns To Stone

The days and nights you sit around wondering where can
she be
Hoping that she might appear, out of nowhere
But you fail to see

All the hurt inside, the wounded pride
Ooh what she went through for you
You cheated and lied, as her love slowly died
And her heart just broke in two

When she was with you, all along
Behind you right or wrong
She tried to hold on, hold on
But you went too far, and she’s gone

And now it’s over and her heart turns to stone
No time for pity, when her heart turns to stone
She cries a little as her heart turns to stone
She’s that kind of woman
She’ll do fine on her own

What you thought was a game
A game you were winning
Wouldn’t go your way
Now you’ve lost what you had
And your back to the beginning
It’s the price you have to pay

When she was with you, all along
Behind you right or wrong
She tried to hold on, hold on
But you went too far, and she’s gone

And now it’s over and her heart turns to stone
No time for pity, when her heart turns to stone
She cries a little as her heart turns to stone
She’s that kind of woman
She’ll get by on her own

She hides the pain
But her heart turns to stone
No time for pity
When her heart turns to stone
She cries sometimes
As her heart turns to stone
She’s that kind of woman
She’ll get by on her own

Yeah it’s over
And her heart turns to stone
Don’t look for pity now
When her heart turns to stone
Listen to her cry
Listen to her cry
She’s a woman now
Ooh it’s a sad thing to see
To see a heart turn to stone
The heart of a woman
A heart turned to stone

What hurts the most..

“Maybe you think too much. That’s what’s affecting you, to have headache. I don’t feel your headache so I wouldn’t know.. Just a guess. But I know that you not feeling well would affect me as well. My feeling sick will go away just like that, if you’re happy.”

I don’t know what it is, but each time I fall sick, he falls sick too. Yet he somehow pulls through and cares for me, even accompanying me to the clinic on Monday to get the blood test done. He’s just THAT patient and concerned, that I feel bad enough just sitting there, trying to block out the numb pain on the right side of my head while trying to keep up with our conversations.

Anyway, yeah, finally got the blood tests done after the clinic informed me that the company had replied to their fax request. So now I just have to wait until the results come out. I was able to have the tests done at the clinic, because I told them that me having to go to Raffles Hospital would just prove to be much more of a hassle to me.
However, I’m pretty sure everything will be fine, because I feel fine, now. I don’t feel like I’m having thyroids or whatever it is the doctor said. Then again, I wouldn’t know how having thyroids would feel like.
No doubt I do have the high blood pressure, no thanks to my competitive streak as well as low tolerance for noise and annoying people/surroundings, but I feel fine.
I’ve been told that I have to learn to be more patient, and tolerant, so that I wouldn’t end up hurting myself.
Well, I can only say one thing.. “Who wants to be sick?”
No one does. I’m not doing this for fun. And it’s definitely not worth the attention either.

I don’t know if it’s the concoction of medication I’ve been having to take, that’s making me extra drowsy as well as irritable, but it’s just so maddening that I have to submit myself to tasteless, bitter, vulgar-tasting powder every 6 hours.

I feel like a weakling. And no matter how much I try to tell myself that I’m not, I know I’m one.
I’ve never had a clean bill of health, and it just keeps coming.

The Mr tried to cheer me up today by asking me to pick wedding rings out of a brochure, but I seriously didn’t give a hoot if Annika Larsson was on sale.
I simply don’t care.

This numbing pain on the right side of my head,
the “tremors” in the left hand,
the feeling of my windpipe contracting suddenly, and as quickly come, quickly gone.
I just want to curl up in bed and go to sleep.
And hope it all goes away.

Korean Madness.

Fucken’ funny.

I almost spilled Lipton Tea over the keyboard this afternoon.
YES, I ACTUALLY LAUGHED AT WORK TODAY.

The thinner one reminds me of Olive Oyl (Popeye’s girlfriend). LOLLLLLLL.

Excuse me while I try to catch my breath.

Can’t.

I hate being within the four walls.

I hate looking at manuals and staring at the computer screen all day.

I hate the noise level that comes from being in the office. Everyone’s talking so loudly.

I hate having lunch from nearby places where it’s mainly rice and noodles. I HATE I HATE.

I hate being told that I cannot run or dance anymore.

I hate being in pain. I hate being sick.

I hate it when I cry talking about work.

I hate losing and scoring lowly compared to others. 90% is not good enough.

I hate being made fun of when everyone finds out I have dyscalculia.
I’m not stupid! I just cannot read numbers.

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY MUST IT BE ME?!

Bleary-eyed.

As of now, I’m still up, facing the laptop, wrapping up the drafting of some documents I have use for in the near future.

And no, I haven’t gone back to the doctor yet.
I THOUGHT I felt okay, and besides, Raffles Medical said that it would be better if I can get my company to fund the tests. Oh well.

I’ve been coughing, or something like that. More like wheezing my day throughout the day. It was really bad in the evening, before I went for the weekly jamming session with the Mr and his friends (I went, still). I was lying down when I suddenly felt my throat contract and I was wheezing and grabbing empty air, desperate to catch a breath. I coughed like it was the end of the world, really. I thought I was going to die.

And what was my last thought before I thought I was going to die?

“I didn’t switch off the laptop at home.”

Yes, that was what I was thinking about the very moment I felt my windpipe close up. LOL.

Anyway, some sad news. The Mr’s maternal grandfather passed away earlier on, so he’s now on compassionate leave. Poor fella. Running between houses to tend to me, as well as his family’s issues.

I feel pretty bad as it is, because I’m alone and I need his help in case I suddenly collapse or anything.
The family’s away at a chalet in Batam, Indonesia and I don’t have anyone else. In fact, that’s pretty much the reason I’m avoiding sleep, because I feel worse when I lie down.

It doesn’t help either that I’m bleary-eyed due to a concoction of medicines.

I had:

Glucosamine tablets for the knees;
Suntacid tablets;
Diclofenac for muscle pain;
Tramadol for my migraine;
and Naproxen Sodium for my stiff neck.

They were all accumulated during several visits to the doctor, for my knee pains and non-stop numbing pain in the head. I tried taking the different doses at different times but the pain was there anyway. So I got fed up and popped everything at one go.

I seriously don’t know what the fuck is going on in my body, but I sure don’t like it.

It’s only 1am now, and I know I cannot beat not going to bed. Bummer.

I would so like to have breakfast tomorrow.
Breakfast I can taste.

And at last check, my weight dropped to 50kg today.

Sigh.

Oh health.

I’ve been having this nagging headache on the right side of my head for about three weeks now.
That and a very stiff neck.

As a result, Daljit has been nagging at me to go to a clinic and find out what’s happening. The Mr did the same thing as well.

So I finally got my ass down to Raffles Medical Center today.

The Dr looked at me suspiciously as I spoke about my headache, and asked me to stretch out my hands.

She placed paper on my hands, and said I was having tremors in my left fingers, which I never had before, hence my ability to sail through my shooting in the previous job training.
She told me that my bp rate was “rather high” at 158, but I don’t know what the hell that’s supposed to mean.

(If it’s one thing about Drs, I dare not ask much in their presence. Intimidated la. )

But what took me by surprise was her touching my neck and telling me that I had a little swelling going on. I didn’t feel a thing prior to that.

Lo and behold, she said she’d prescribe me something for my headache but not anything for my “tremors” in the hands because she wants me to go to a Thyroid Function Test and Blood Test tomorrow evening at Raffles Hospital and any medication for the tremors would affect the results.

?!

Another hospital trip. SHIT.
I HATE HOSPITALS. I FUCKING HATE HOSPITALS.

I can’t help but feel a little worried about it because when I told the Mr, he sudenly remembered a friend of ours, who went for a seemingly harmless test and found out that she had Stage 4 Thyroid Cancer. The Drs were rather frank in saying she had about 3 years left.

Why does this sound a little too familiar to me?

Pissed off.

As I mentioned in the previous entry,
I’m due to attend a friend’s wedding today.

Well, now I won’t.

All because my parents told me what to wear.

I don’t see what the problem is, in wearing a dress with jeans underneath, when I see people coming in mere sundresses!

I took the time to choose a proper, non-revealing outfit and yet they made a hoohaa out of it, as if I was going butt-naked to the wedding.

And they’re not even going to the same wedding as me!

Is it a must to wear traditional malay baju kurung or kebaya just because it’s a Malay wedding?

For fuck’s sakes, I don’t even care if people wear that at my wedding; I’m happy enough they came! Of course, in nothing revealing la.

Revealing isn’t even my middle name!

So now, I’ve changed back to my normal clothes, and decided to sit at home.

I HATE BEING TOLD WHAT TO DO.

So I won’t do it altogether.

P/S: Sorry Shidy, I’ll get you guys a nice enough present okay.

Week 5 down. Three more to go.

Another week zoomed by.

Week 5 down. Just like that.
Time’s passing faster than ever.

For God’s sakes, it’s already June.
Another half a year and I’d be counting down the days to my 24th birthday.
*bites fingernails*

Anyway,
todayyyyy, a good friend gets married!

Congratulations to Shidi & Syanah (I won’t disclose real names here since I haven’t gotten approval from either of them to do so)!!

SELAMAT PENGANTIN BARU beb.

I’ll be seeing you guys tomorrow, can’t wait.
Will be meeting the rest of #melayu20+ at Bukit Batok.

Yayyyy, makan free!

I slept for a record 21 hours today.
Slept at 9pm last night, and awoke at 6pm today.

My whole body bloody hurts, and the Mr said he had to check if I was breathing.
LOL.

So when I woke up, I was famished as hell.
Thanks la Mama, masak ayam masak merah seh.
I only eat chicken when my mother cooks it.
I know.. I’m biased like that.

Went online to look for some songs by keying in “metal” in the genre category.
When I made the discovery of the century.

What the… @#$%^!

TAKE THAT?! METAL?! ROCK?!

BLOODY TAKE THAT?!

You’re telling me this messy-haired boyband from the 90s sings rock/metal songs!?

FUCKING GARY BARLOW.

Excuse me while I have an asthma attack.
(FYI, I don’t have asthma.)